Subject: Time for some jokes

From: "ImNo1" <hooha@erehwon.com>
news:<psMfn.2619$XI1.1434@newsfe04.iad>

I hope there is at least one of the following that is new to you.some reader
here. The last one was one such for me.

Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam, applying for his
citizenship papers. He was asked to spell

"cultivate," and he spelled it correctly. He was

then asked to use the word in a sentence, and, with a big
smile, responded: "Last vinter on a very cold day, I
vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took
the subvay home."


Two Jews, Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake
when their boat starts sinking. Saul says to Morty, "So
listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well."
Morty remembers how to carry another swimmer from his
lifeguard class when he was just a kid, so he begins tugging
Saul toward shore. After ten minutes, he begins to tire.
Finally, about 100 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, So
Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?" Saul
replies, "Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking
for money!"

Bar Mitzvah Definition: A Bar Mitzvah is defined as the day
when a Jewish boy comes to the realization that he is more
likely to own a professional sports team than he is to play
for one.


An old Jewish man was dying in the hospital. His
family--wife, children, and grandchildren, came to see him,
but only one was allowed in the room at a time. Grandson Ben
went in first. "Hello, Grampa Moishe. Can I do
something for you? Grampa Moishe says, "Go tell Gramma
Sadie I want some of her delicious chopped liver that she
made yesterday." Ben went out and told
Gramma Sadie, who said, "Go tell Grampa Moishe he
can't have any chopped liver. It would kill him."
Ben went back in and reported what she'd said. "You
tell Gramma Sadie I want the chopped liver.
I'm dying anyway, and it won't make any
difference." Ben went and told Gramma Sadie, who said,
"Go tell Grampa Moishe he can't have any. The
chopped liver is for the Shiva."


A Jewish mother's answering machine: "If you want
varnishkas, press 1; if you want knishes, press 2; if you
want chicken soup, press 3; if you want matzoh balls with
the soup, press 4; if you want to know how am I feeling, you
are calling the wrong number, since nobody ever asks me how
I am feeling."


A Jewish businessman warned his son against marrying
a "shiksa." The son replied, "But
she's converting to Judaism." "It doesn't
matter," the old man said, "A shiksa will cause
problems." After the wedding, the father called the
son, who was in business with him, and asked him why he was
not at work. "It's Shabbos," the son
replied. The father was surprised: "But we always
work on Saturday. It's our busiest day." "I
won't work anymore
on Saturday," the son insisted, "because
my wife wants us to go to shul on Shabbos."
"See," the father said, "I told you
marrying a shiksa would cause problems."

Answers:

Re: Time for some jokes

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